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Feb. 28th, 2009

losing hope?

02.27-28.09

mood: numb numb
music: All this time - Tiffany
where do we find ease when everything seems so heavy? i'm trying to make sense of the events of yesterday right now. just got home from work, carryng this heaviness -- many questions about life that I know are beyond the capability of my comprehension.

or maybe i'm just so tired right now to even think of all these new things i've been encountering. all i can remember right now i guess i have to type here (for my memories' sake and their essence) -- i feel sad and undecided at the same time. I feel scared yet willing to move my feet. I guess I'm ready... BUT I don't know if my whole heart is in it. Just to sum this all up, I guess what I want for myself is not really what's best for me. And its confusing me even more. I stare at this thing in red although I know it isn't right. The white thing I want I guess doesn't feel the same. WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO? I'm scared... scared to be mistaken again.

or maybe... i just need to rest this now. write again if i'm in the right mind.
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Posted at 07:44 am | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Nov. 2nd, 2008

about to whine.

the day i stopped running.

mood: lonely lonely
music: It's Only Life - Kate Voegele




when was it? or when would it be? which question with all honesty would I admit I am in right now? AND what made me asked this HELL of a question anyway? been listening lately to rock and alternative songs from the soundtrack of One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl and the like. and hell yeah, i realized just now that my music taste (lately) reflects my solitary and soul searching existence, haha. why's that? self explanatory. perhaps it became my outlet for everything I've been trying to make peace with... or maybe for things I've been trying to run from?! anyways, here are my songs. my favorite from ALL is 10,000 stones. it has a meaningful and so true lyrics. best lines? the chorus and the additional lines in the last part:

"10,000 stones hanging deep in my heart
no I don't know how they don't tear me apart
how could I ever believe
10,000 stones would save the fool in me
10,000 stones would be a strange blessing
10,000 stones would build the best of me"
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Posted at 07:16 am | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Oct. 17th, 2008

never going anywhere

HEROES: a voice-over about running away.

mood: guilty guilty
music: Broken - Lifehouse
"The Earth is large. Large enough that you think you can hide from anything. From Fate. From God. If only you found a place far enough away. So you run. To the edge of the Earth. Where all is safe again. Quiet, and warm. The solace of salt air. The peace of danger left behind. The luxury of grief. And maybe, for a moment, you believe you have escaped.

You can run far, you can take your small precautions. But have you really gotten away? Can you ever escape? Or is it the truth that you did not have the strength or cunning to hide from destiny? That the world is not small. you are. And, fate can find you anywhere."
 
Have we really gotten away when we resorted to running from all of it? Truly, we cannot force nor control anything yet inexplicably we could be forced and controlled by all the unknowns of life (some things about life that we ourselves couldn't explain). I must admit that this voice-over really hit me. There's so much truth in it. I would say I may be in the running right now. I don't really know. It's inexplicable as life may seems.
But could we be blamed for running away?
What if you were victimized by a failed belief?
Could that passed as a valid reason for some vindication?
Would life stop running after you and instead reward you with its goodness?
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Posted at 09:47 pm | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

something inspiring eh?

HEROES: a voice-over about never looking back.

mood: groggy groggy
music: Coming for You - JoJo
"We all imagine ourselves the agents of our destiny, capable of determining our own fate. But have we truly any choice in when we rise? Or when we fall? Or does a force larger than ourselves bid us our direction? Is it evolution that takes us by the hand? Does science point our way? Or is it God who intervenes, keeping us safe?"

Do we really have a choice? Or is fate all we can rely on?
Sometimes I think it's a combination of the two. Sometimes it's a just a matter of what comes first or what catches up on you first.
BUT no matter what: You always have a say on whatever happens to you. You could always try.
Taking chances on fate that is.

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Posted at 08:49 pm | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

getting lost

OTH: a voice-over about 'if you could, would you?'

mood: restless restless
music: Exceptional - Jojo
"If you could go back and change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Or would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing, just one moment? One moment, that you've always wanted back."

 
Perhaps one of the most difficult questions that someone could throw at you. Thinking about it, if we could always undo the things we've done in the past so as to avoid mistakes, how would we ever grow as a person? If we are always in control and haven't experienced being controlled, where would we learn humility? Indeed, experiences make us stronger and everything happens for a reason. And these reasons therefore are the why and wherefore of life.




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Posted at 07:04 pm | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Oct. 16th, 2008

drama mode.

OTH: a voice-over about change.

mood: sleepy sleepy
music: Over my head - The Fray
"Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life altering? Is it four years like high school? One year? An eight week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We're always in a hurray to grow up, to go places, to get ahead. And when you're young, one hour can change everything."

Couldn't agree more with this voice-over. Oh well I guess that's the main reason why I love voice-over after all... why I'm giving so much space about them here in my personal page. Whenever I hear one, it gets stuck in my head immediately. And then my head after dissecting what they meant would just say "So true". And this voice-over here when I first heard it was not different from all the others.

Life indeed changes so fast. IN A BLINK OF AN EYE it could. And now I understand why sometimes we feel that we're running after something. Well at least based from my own set of mind that couldn't seem to stop thinking about the future, about the things I want and things I want to accomplish, it's safe to say that it is more than true. When you have lots of wishes and desires in mind, you tend to rush on getting there as soon as you can... before someone/something gets in the way. And it frustrates you, bugs you everyday and makes you mentally tired. Until change catches up with you, slaps you in the face and tells you "I'm here and you can't stop me from getting into you". And then after a long time you realize that there are no such thing as straight and direct paths to your wishes or dreams. You can't force something to happen. You cannot force time to bend for you and so as change. You don't own anything in this world. And in the end, all you could resort to is to change as well.




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Posted at 01:28 am | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

never going anywhere

OTH: a voice-over about answerless curiosities.

mood: accomplished accomplished
music: Fix you - Coldplay
"You ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you, how many moments of other peoples lives have we been in, we're we a part of someone's life when their dreams came true, or were we there when their dreams died. Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there, or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it."

Undeniably, our 'what ifs' in life are as countless as the raindrops in a pouring rain. Some might have been answered eventually while some might not or wouldn't ever be. Until when are we gonna be running after the mysteries of life? Could we blame those who stayed in the pursuit after they've witnessed the others who finally got their answers? Yes, indeed it's unfair. But oh well, WELCOME TO LIFE!!! Life's like that after all.
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Posted at 12:04 am | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Oct. 15th, 2008

losing hope?

OTH: a voice-over about hope.

mood: indescribable indescribable
music: Go - Hanson
Another one from the first episode of OTH Season 4:

"Tree Hill is just a place somewhere in the world. Maybe it's a lot like your world. Maybe it's nothing like it. But, if you look closely you might see someone like you. Someone trying to find their way; someone trying to find their place; someone trying to find their self. Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who's struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you."


No man is an island after all :) It's just as good as saying that some sort of a savior would always come to the rescue, regardless if its a person or not. Perhaps not really to save us but maybe to make the 'stage of despair and hurt' worthwhile. And more often than not, some people find comfort by thinking that in this world we never know how many people are suffering like you as well -- and from this realization we comfort ourselves by saying: "I'm not alone. Like them, I'll fight and get through".




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Posted at 11:47 pm | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

getting lost

a voice-over about darkness.

mood: contemplative contemplative
music: With Me - Sum 41
Boredom (again) made me come across this voice-over from one of the eps of One Tree Hill Season 2. For the record, the series always have voice-overs that would make you think and ponder. Or maybe it was just my mind again which couldn't stop thinking :P But whichever, it's wholesome. They talk about life realities and all the complications that go with it :)

"Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred. How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men into war, hoping for their safe return. But knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?"

Reasonably, it doesn't have a name 'cause i guess if it does, darkness would become conceivable and fathomable which as it happens in most part (in our real life) is not true nor possible. Darkness is something we commonly just experience and feel. It could be/might be described as a disease we do catch at times. But unlike common diseases, it should be included with those intractable. Being in the dark is not something that we could cure in no time. It is a state of being we have no control of. Unfortunately, it comes, stays... and only itself knows when's the time to go.

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Posted at 10:46 pm | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

absolutely BORED.

X.O.X.O.

mood: awake awake
music: Take Me Away - Lifehouse
I guess I just caught  "Gossip Girl fever". Now i couldn't stop and so was our electricity! Now its famous line "you know you love me.. XOXO, Gossip Girl!" keeps ringing over and over in my ears. Hahaha (eewww). But I must admit it was funny to watch.. really fun in a good way for a total bored like ME :)

Watching closely and really glued to its each and every episodes, one of its episodes' voice-over towards the end stuck in my mind. In a sense the message was like this:

"It's often said that no matter what's the truth, people see what they want to see. Some people might take a step back and find out they were looking at the same big picture all along. Some people might see that their lies have almost caught up to them. Some people might see what was there all along. And then there are those other people, the ones who run as far as they can so they don't have to look at themselves."

Why did it struck me? Cause indeed in many ways this is what usually happens. We all have different ways of dealing with the truth. We choose whichever suits us. Whichever would make it more bearable and help us survive.

And of course as always, only Gossip Girl could see what clearly happened in the end :) After all who's the 'all the knowing'? Haha. And now that everything's getting juicier as more episodes go by, who's gonna let themselves get left behind? Well, not ME. Be watching until the very end :P Until boredom itself gets 'bored' keeping my company :))

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Posted at 12:43 am | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share